Tree of Life

Though it isn't new, I recently watched the film "Tree of Life" for the first time.

If ever there was a movie that captured the inner workings and relationships and patterns that compose my own thinking patterns and inner world associations, it's this one.

This is an abstract topic, so I guess it's only natural to find it difficult to use language, which is logical, to describe exactly what I mean.

But bear with me while I try...

Throughout any given moment in life, we have continuous thoughts-- some are ruminations, some are mundane day to day, and some are higher level such as when we get moved to epiphanies unexpectedly, or when the day is just right and we experience a euphoric state on a regular afternoon walk.

Just now I have finished dancing in the kitchen, after feeling infused with something--- beauty? inspiration?--- from seeing the new pink blossoms on the redbud trees swaying in the wind. I'm not sure what that is. And somehow these "good" feelings don't always involve "good" thoughts. Sometimes thoughts of death, of suffering, of the terrible nature of reality, can also blend in but still produce this result of inspiration and of somehow touching divinity.

It is really hard to explain.

But, this movie, Tree of Life, some of the scenes in it reminded me of my own thoughts. Isn't that strange? I've never had this experience when watching a film. I mean, of course there are films that feel familiar, like Amelie's daily life and small amusements, but this is a different level. More subtle and ethereal.

I especially loved the timelines, how flashbacks to early pre-human earth would happen randomly, which might confuse a lot of viewers, but how it made perfect sense to me in the overall storyline.

I should take the time to expound more on this, because the experience was fascinating, but I must hop along now.

If you haven't watched this film, here is the trailer, test it, see what you think. I hope you watch it.

A good conversationalist

One thing I notice that bores me in conversation is when the other person talks too much about themselves.

I think talking about oneself or one's preferences or experiences can be done in a way that considers the other person more, though. It can be done in a way that is interesting. For example, instead of only stating my love of hummingbirds, I could go on to talk about the objective qualities of the hummingbird, what intrigues me about them. This opens up conversation, rather than just saying "Oh yes, *I* love hummingbirds. Hummingbirds are *my* favorite!" (How interesting is that?) You could instead say something like "I love hummingbirds! Did you know that the Anna's Hummingbird overwinters here in the Pacific Northwest; it doesn't migrate like all of the other hummingbirds. I wonder how they cope when the temperatures plummet?"

You're able to state your love of hummingbirds, but also add value by presenting interesting objective information, as well as engage the other person, giving them a chance to provide feedback. Hitting the ping-pong ball rather than catching it.

This creates a more inspired and energized exchange, as opposed to "Oh I love hummingbirds! Hummingbirds are MY favorite!"

To develop self-awareness about if you do this or not, or why you feel bored in conversation with certain people, it can help to examine how many statements begin with "I...." or "My..." without ever leading into something more objective or engaging.

None of this really matters unless it's someone you spend a significant amount of time with. And of course if you're specifically discussing something very you-centric, this doesn't apply either.

This is more a quibble I have about people I'm around often, and why I notice feeling bored in conversation with them.

Lightheartedness

It seems to me there are three different types of a lighthearted personality.

One is the person whose nature is predisposed to be this way, despite external events.

The next is a person whose lightheartedness stems from naivete. This naivete comes from lack of experience, and lack of negative experiences in particular. The world feels safe and loving and there isn't much to worry over.

The third kind of lightheartedness, which is my favorite and so of course the category I identify with most, is the person who has gone through dark nights of the soul, come out the other end, and made the choice not to exist in gloom or suffering, but has chosen to be cheerful and optimistic, despite all reasons to the contrary. Reasons which they are intimately familiar with.

When we observe this character trait in others, we can't possibly know which category they fall into. This would take an intimate knowing of the person and their experiences.

Just to be clear, when I speak of lightheartedness, I'm not referring to an empty "positivity" which is so encouraged by our society, or a fleeting mood of "happiness". I'm talking about a light heart which contains depth, so this lightheartedness might show up as serenity, kindness, looking on the bright side, assuming the best of others, a well of strength the person can siphon from during the darkest of times. Lightheartedness isn't always obvious.

Last weekend, enjoying time with my friend Meg near beautiful Deception Pass.

Thoughts on humility

I guess in every era of humanity, certain characteristics are more pronounced than others, depending on events, cultural beliefs and societal norms, prosperity (or not), available technologies, and surely a whole host of other influential factors.

As I move through the years and continue to develop more and more self-awareness, it causes me to reflect on society at large; the environment around me that influences so much of who I am.

No matter how individual and self-aware we consider ourselves to be, a substantial percentage of this 'self' we identify as is a pure result of what we see around us. We are constantly receiving cues from the rest of the herd, and this shapes our behavior and our minds, even if we fancy ourselves contrarian in thought and action.

The essence of humility seems to come from a place of service. Service to what? It doesn't seem so much as service to someone as it does service to some higher ideal. (So, to illustrate what I mean by that, I believe that while parents can be a wonderful example of humility, the higher ideal presupposes the daily acts of humility).

Humility could be a great act of service in the Western world where the prevailing attitudes are abrasive, loud, competitive, and self glorifying.

Maybe because they are more rare these days, I find myself taken aback by those who embody gentler characteristics of beauty such as humility, grace, calmness, and sincerity. There is a goodness that shines through if you have eyes to see it and a heart and mind to recognize that kind of quiet and subtle strength.

While I'm interested in the outward appearance of humility for its potential ripple effect, I'm more curious about the inward experience of humility. What does humility feel like? Here are a few things that come to my mind to start me thinking on it more:

Humility feels like--

• the opposite of perfectionism
• the opposite of self importance 
• acceptance of what is rather than resistance
• absence of self-righteousness, or perhaps all righteousness
• internalization that you are fallible, and so are others
• being fixed toward higher ideals and morals; not governed by emotional whims and moods
• a mode of listening and receptivity rather than feedback and penetration
• lack of criticism

Muses of humility?

• Taka, the female lead on The Last Samurai movie 
• Agafia Lykov, perhaps
• ...

I'll add to this list as I think more on the topic. I'm interested to hear others input, so please leave a comment if you have thoughts on humility, modern cultures lack of it, or any muses of humility that you can think of.

Sublimation

Today I listened to this YouTube video about the nature of beauty and suffering and what really stuck with me were Zapffe's four primary coping mechanisms which humans use to avoid dealing with the weight of existence. They are:

1. Isolation - where we completely dismiss all disturbing thoughts and feelings
2. Anchoring - which seem to give value and purpose to life and give us a fixed place within the construction. Examples of anchoring are religion, church, government, morality, fate, and other people.
3. Distraction - where we focus all of our energy on tasks and ideas to prevent the mind from turning in on itself.
4. Sublimation - which is the refocusing of energy away from negative outlets, toward positive ones. Those who tend toward sublimation distance themselves and look at existence from a more aesthetic point of view.

While I do believe that all four coping mechanisms have a degree of overlap, and most of us employ all of them, I like to think the one that describes my approach to life most of the time is sublimation.

What about you? What do you think?