Silence as a shattering of ego

 

"Silence is the cross on which we must crucify our ego" - St. Seraphim of Sarov

I came across this quote at a perfect time, when feeling slightly wronged by another, with the cortisol-dread feeling in my chest that I should confront them, but not really looking forward to it. Right away, the words were a salve to my tensed up heart, and it got me thinking...particularly about silence as a response.

Intuitively, this felt right and like the more transcendent, more Godly, patient, gentle approach. As I thought more about it, though, I did come upon a couple of caveats. One is that yes, certainly many issues do need to be talked through, and we do need to hold ourselves and others accountable for behaviors. Confrontation shouldn't be avoided at all costs in favor of submissiveness, but sometimes it might be best to be silent, and to let this silence be its own prayer, a lesson from God straight to us.

Another caveat about choosing silence as a response when we feel defensive or as though we've been wronged is that this silence must not be a pregnant silence, meant to punish or convey upset, disappointment, anger... instead, if we choose this method, we should focus on an internal cleansing in that moment, via prayer or song perhaps, that we may truly let this perceived slight go, and to release trying to control others thoughts, responses, beliefs, or attitudes toward us.

If we feel ourselves emotionally triggered, or if there is enough of a discrepancy in comprehension and emotional intelligence, a solution-oriented conversation is probably not likely, and the exchange will deteriorate rapidly into a fussing of egos, dueling monologues.  

I have found recently that this technique is humbling and helps me feel closer to God, while also training me to detach from this endless cycle of human reaction.