Holy grail traditions

And try to read this if you're interested- a very illuminating book. I think the Holy Grail traditions, any access we still have to those primordial teachings, is important and--as of now--rings the most bells in my spirit.
 

The bone and marrow of winter

"I turn round and round irresolute sometimes for a quarter of an hour, until I decide, for the thousandth time, that I will walk into the southwest or west. Eastward I go only by force, but westward I go free. Thither no business leads me. It is hard for me to believe that I shall find fair landscapes or sufficient wildness and freedom behind the eastern horizon. I am not excited by the prospect of a walk thither; but I believe that the forest which I see in the western horizon stretches uninterruptedly toward the setting sun, and there are no towns or cities in it of enough consequence to disturb me. Let me live where I will, on this side is the city, on that the wilderness, and ever I am leaving the city more and more and withdrawing into the wilderness. I should not lay so much stress on this fact if I did not believe that something like this is the prevailing tendency of my countrymen. I must walk toward Oregon and not toward Europe."

- Thoreau Looks to the West, August 1958

I am slowly settling back in to the snow-dusted little home in the mountains that is our own, after having been away, eastward, visiting family for the last three months. Far, far too long to be gone from one's life. For all of the love that gets to be shared during that time, it is still just too much, and we have made the firm decision that from now on, winters will be different, with less time spent away, a focus on quality and not quantity of days.

I'll be frank and say: it was a difficult winter. It's not an exaggeration even to say I went through a small dark night of the soul while in Kentucky this year. But for all its struggle, I can't say I would change a thing because I believe some very important pearls were plucked from it all that I'll now have the rest of my days. 

To condense such multi-faceted experience into a single nutshell isn't easy, but I'll simply say that I entered a personal season of mysterious physical struggle on multiple levels, about one week after arriving in Kentucky, with strange and acute attacks of symptoms I had never experienced before. I'm aware that there is something deep and psychological in me that causes illness every time we return to Kentucky for the winter--where we stay with family and spend a lot of time apart--but despite feeling stronger upon arrival this visit, the symptoms were new and more intense than previous years. Weeks passed, I researched, observed, and took care of myself the best I knew how.

Clinging to each other as home, while enduring a too-long time back east.

Finally, I decided to embark on the GAPS intro diet, strictly, to a tee, the only way it can effectively work and heal in a deep and foundational way. I began this on December 20th, in earnest. The first couple of weeks were incredibly hard as my system adapted to such a change in diet. Not having my creamy hot beverages anymore was really challenging--it felt like I didn't have anything to look forward to throughout the day! truly eye-opening--and I experienced a big drop in dopamine as my body learned how to produce its own rather than rely on periodical snacks to uplift me. But after week 2, roughly, I emerged like a phoenix, no more strange symptoms, feeling so clean, light, strong, free from cravings, unattached. It was an interesting experience of freedom in a way I had never considered before. I started this diet in order to heal my gut, which the diet teaches is the root of any other illness, and ended up enlightening many other areas of my heart and mind along the way. 

But all of my spiritual study and experiences make me certain that illness is not all physical, maybe not even physical at all in origin, but rather informed by a beyond-physical event or thought, of the present or past, conscious or sub-conscious. So, while the diet was working and making me feel so good, and while it did feel important and right, I knew there was more to it all. 

So I kept digging- observing, searching, and researching.

And, as fate would have it, came upon something altogether paradigm-shifting. 

This new paradigm, I'm still amidst learning about and properly understanding, only a couple of months into the journey, but I'll go ahead and mention it here because I think it could be vital to understand. 

It is called German New Medicine. Now, to try to figure out how to sum it up might be difficult, but I will try: German New Medicine takes a completely different approach to what we call "disease" and posits that symptoms are usually a healing phase of the body, or at least an attempt at healing, and that the symptoms are simply a natural biological response to a perceived shock or stress. If we treat the symptoms with medications and surgeries, we don't allow the healing phase to play out and we create what is called a hanging healing which results in ongoing symptoms and what we would then refer to as a chronic condition.

Brain scans are used to spot lesions that correspond to specific areas of the body. But in order to experience complete healing, you do have to be able to hone in on the "original conflict" that triggers symptoms in you now (and this could be all the way from an argument that happened last year to an event from your childhood). German New Medicine can be applied across the spectrum, from something seemingly as benign as itching or a dust allergy or headaches to serious conditions like terminal cancers where one is given three months to live and told to go home and enjoy their days. It is utterly fascinating how it all works, so I wish I was able to explain in more detail, but if you feel drawn to it, I'll leave a list of the resources I've moved through on my path thus far:

1. I started by reading this book
2. Simultaneously I listened to videos and interviews with Dr. Melissa Sell (her website, and her YouTube channel)
3. Next, I began reading the incredible articles on learninggnm.com and getting more familiar with conflicts and related symptoms - here is a good article to begin with on that site
4. Then, I treated this video by Ilsedora Laker as a class where I watched, listened, took notes, and made a real study out of it
5. And now I have joined a bi-weekly GNM "healing group" by Dr. Katherine Willow of Carp Ridge Wellness Centre in rural Ottawa, Canada

So now I am slowly implementing German New Medicine principles into thinking about my experiences of symptoms and seeing everything in a wholly different light. Nutrition is still important according to GNM, because it strengthens and helps us to better endure perceived shocks and stresses, so I'm now practicing a full GAPS diet 90% of the time (giving myself a little leeway on the weekends or when out gallivanting) in conjunction with GNM and am feeling balanced, healthy, and steady, in a more rounded and polished and complete way than ever before. 

I see illness not as something to be feared, but as a messenger saying it's time to return to core principles of our nature. And I believe if we do this on all levels, in earnest, we regenerate.

Lots of meat stocks and soups made with vegetables and meats- the meats focused on are to be all parts of the animal including parts containing fat and connective tissue, not just muscle which is primarily the only kind of meat we eat in Western culture.

Morning juice: juice of freshly pressed carrots, celery, beet, and green apple with a raw egg, a drizzle of extra-virgin olive oil and a sprinkle of sea salt.

Some words dreamt up while on a walk one afternoon at a park in Kentucky:

The way is not
to wear the years as weight
But as a lightening

Days of beauty,
days of horror
One's flaming fable flickers
Their tide rushing shoreward

Morning tea is made,
Spring soil tilled
Wood gotten in,
the dinner table sat

If dying is lifting,
let the days be an ascent
Birth- crashing, dense
And dying- a recollection, recommence

Diamond Caverns

Diamond Caverns

.::*::.

Now we are back- back home, in what I am convinced is the most sacred part of this vast country- the high, dry Rocky Mountain regions, whether the southwestern ones or way up here in the inland northwestern mountains and highlands. There's just no better place than this infinite landscape, this penetrating serenity.

Here there is space, there is natural beauty and endless treasure troves of inspiration, poetry is ever on the wind for the honed observer, and the land is not so peopled and sickly as the one I've been inhabiting the past few months.  

I love my family so dearly, and my friends, sometimes I even enjoy the marketplace (rock climbing gyms! thrift stores! healthy grocery stores!), but my mind changes altogether after I've been away for two weeks, then one month in I can no longer feel how it feels to be someone who lives here, where I do, and where I sit now again, thank God. The sounds of traffic, the low buzz of powerlines, the television frequencies, the bad air, the bad water, the coughing masses, the jaded and distracted expressions, the constant chatter... it wears on me and eventually I feel I lose something that is vitally me. And I miss it so very badly when I feel it leave. Like a little spirit, or essence, I can feel it detach a little each day, then eventually flutter away, leaving me thinner than before... and I don't truly get it back until I've been home again for a few weeks.

But I am here now, home, in the great American West, with my love, and our simple wholesome life. There have been things to tend to right away since our return- a vehicle needing brand new tires and a refrigerator needing replaced (which required a slight bit of remodeling!), but we are just grateful to be back to a routine together, and to be held once again by this big land that feels like a living, breathing elder to us, full of teachings and nourishment, a living being who we revere and love.

About an hour after the photo below was taken, we ascended into a proper snow storm up in the Okanogan Highlands one recent night. I was scared at first, thinking we had really gotten ourselves into a mess--and was coping by singing Pentangle's "Will The Circle Be Unbroken" loudly as we crept down a steep canyon at 15 mph (I heard a chuckle from the driver seat at the line "Undertaker, please drive slow")--but finally was able to relax and enjoy the enchanted snowy drive through the wilderness the rest of the way home. 

I haven't yet showed you the knitting project I worked on this winter- a gift for my brother-in-law, modeled below by Eric. This is probably the most intricate thing I've ever knitted, and it took a lot of concentration and patience. From now on I plan to focus more on knitting patterns that challenge me because I really enjoyed the process and learned several new techniques along the way.

It is the Windy Scarf by Martin Storey.

I love it so much that I'll probably make myself and Eric one in the future, though in different colors. The Celtic-looking cabling pattern resonates on some deep old level for us.

On the flight back and since we've gotten settled in, I've been working on my first knit sweater. It's another pattern by Martin Storey (whose work I really gravitate toward) and it's to be a gift for my husband. Right now, I'm on the front side... and making my wobbly way along, trying to make sense of what are (to me) more complicated pattern instructions. We shall see how it goes.

Outside the snow is falling and in the distance a row of willow trees cuts a branched yellow line across the landscape like fireworks. It is mid-afternoon and I've just wrapped up my work day, sipping a hot mug of homemade meat stock now, and going to tend to a few little odds and ends around here before we go do our workout. As the days roll on and we continue to settle back in and find our rhythms, I'll be back here to share stories. Wishing you all a satisfied end of winter and a verdant blossoming of the heart until then.

x

Fabric Frequency

In 2003, Dr. Heidi Yellen conducted a study on the frequencies of fabric. According to this study, the average human body has a signature frequency of around 70-100hz, while those with chronic disease were 50hz and lower. A diseased, nearly dead, person has a frequency of around 15hz.

The study showed that if the number is lower than 100hz, it puts a strain on the body, and higher frequencies give energy to the body.

Far beyond all other fabrics, linen and wool were both 5,000hz! But if those two fabrics are mixed together, it was found that they cancel each other out completely resulting in a 0hz measurement. Even wearing a wool sweater on top of a linen outfit collapsed the electrical field. This brought measurable weakness and even pain in some tests. This is interesting to me because ancient spiritual texts prize linen, and mention that wool and linen should not be mixed. 

It was also found that black clothing discharged and extinguished one's electrical light field. 

Linen: 5,000hz

Wool: 5,000hz

Organic unbleached cotton: 100hz (considered "normal but not healing" fiber)

Standard bleached and colored cotton: ~ 40hz ("Plant fibers like cotton and hemp are not a healing fiber when measuring its signature energy output")

Polyester: 15hz

Rayon: 15hz

Silk: 10hz

Polyester, acrylic, spandex, lycra, viscose and nylon measure zero and do not reflect light