The road to The Place Within

My career requires a lot of mental effort. So much gets packed into a single hour just to get all tasks completed by week's end, that I find I have to detach from who I am at my core a great deal to pull it off and do what needs to be done each day. So when the weekend, or any time away from work comes, I try to use the time to reacquaint with that woman who I am at my core- I stitch back together the spinal threads of what matters to me, collect the flashes of inspiration into a reel I glimpse as a spark to rekindle some inner flame, I draw the energy down out of my head and back into my body, my hands, hips, heart. 

I was thinking this morning, as we wound over a mountain pass and through dense snow-forests on our way to visit our favorite antique shop, how that pathway back to our own unique creative otherworld is crucial. When I feel that it's time to visit that place of my own mind-making, that place that restocks the inner coffers, I have certain imagery, certain poems, certain books and films and music that act as little waymarkers, lanterns to light the way back home. 

That otherworld-creative-home of mine is hard to describe- it can feel Celtic, but then Saami, medieval, then ancient Egyptian. It contains sun and storm, mossy oak and desert rose, quiet solitude and energized connection, sitting in a tobacco-smelling book-filled room in thoughtful conversation with Tolkien, then in ritual dance around a fire as part of a wild tribe, my feet stomping up clouds of dust under the starrier-than-ever sky. Serene and unbridled. Sacred to the core.

It is a feeling, of course, not an actual place, there is no specific time, no specific characters or location, but I feel when it is right, when it comes together just so, and when it is familiar, and it is this place I go to that connects me back to myself, and to the glorious pulse of life lived deeply. 

Many things have become more apparent over the last couple of years, here are a few: that I need intimate connection with others, conversations full of protein, dance, movement, my garden, more frequent time with friends and family, to be of service, and original creative expression that is mine. Now I am thinking on the best place for all this to come into symphony, and slowly piecing together a plan to make it so. ⌛

I heard an artist I love mention this route back to the creative place we must cobble together for ourselves, those of us who are maybe more short on time, and need a quick road in so that we can sit and feast for a moment in that nourishing ethereal space that we imagine into existence, that sustains us and is essential. I wondered, do most people have this? Do most people need this? Is it rare, or common? Do some drown out the deep impulse with drink and corruption? Then I thought, wouldn't it be just incredible if we could somehow bring another into this feeling-place of our own making, the imaginative landscape of our inner world? Just so they could feel our inspirations? Would it closen or estrange us?

Now I am off to visit that world for a while before the just-as-mysterious sleep world beckons. Today I found a vibrant green kantha quilt, a painted Mexican crock, and a medieval memoir at the antique store. Two weeks ago, I attended a workshop with the loveliest women and attained my doula certification. In a couple of months, my husband and I will take a boat to Alaska where he'll be getting recertified as a massage therapist, a craft that he truly excels at. Bit by bit, pieces are being moved into place, for a future on the horizon that comes more into view each day. The path really does go ever on and on.

“Nietzsche was the one who did the job for me. At a certain moment in his life, the idea came to him of what he called 'the love of your fate.' Whatever your fate is, whatever the hell happens, you say, 'This is what I need.' It may look like a wreck, but go at it as though it were an opportunity, a challenge. If you bring love to that moment--not discouragement--you will find the strength is there. Any disaster you can survive is an improvement in your character, your stature, and your life. What a privilege! This is when the spontaneity of your own nature will have a chance to flow.

Then, when looking back at your life, you will see that the moments which seemed to be great failures followed by wreckage were the incidents that shaped the life you have now. You’ll see that this is really true. Nothing can happen to you that is not positive. Even though it looks and feels at the moment like a negative crisis, it is not. The crisis throws you back, and when you are required to exhibit strength, it comes. “

~Joseph Campbell